Want to send us a message?


But, first, let's set some rules just to save everyone's time.

Do NOT message us about...

  • Us having a "chat". I especially don't want you to send me your number with an enigmatic request to "call me". I need to know far more about you and your business before I even think about talking to you over the phone or on Zoom.
  • Our prices. We can't know what our fees will be until we've looked in depth at your business, because we can't know what's entailed. That's why we go through a process of discovery before we even think about taking clients on.
  • Discounts. We don't cut our prices. Ever. Our answer to the question "is there something you can do about the price?" is "Yes, we can always increase it". Don't embarrass yourself by asking. 
  • Free advice. I'm pretty sure you don't work for free. We certainly don't. Again, don't embarrass yourself by asking. 
  • Swaps. If we need a butcher, baker, or candlestick maker, we'll engage one and pay a decent fee. We're not interested in exchanging your services for ours.
  • We're not interested in... your SEO services, a new website, or your opinions about anything whatsoever. 

Not scared you off yet?


Just fill out the fields below, click the button, and let us take care of the rest.

All being well, we'll get back to you within 48 business hours.

P.S. You could always take time out of your day to message me to say how arrogant you think I am and offer me some unsolicited advice on how I'd "do better" if I was "nicer".

Hmm.. best you don't, all things considered.