Hmmm. That sounds wrong, doesn’t it?

Whatever.

The point is I get to see a lot of their shit in my LinkedIn feed, and, frankly, it’s not pretty.

In fact, it’s downright ugly.

And Stupid.

And while there’s plenty of Stupid to go round and lots of people sharing it — it seems copywriters, marketing consultants, graphic designers, photographers, Fitpros, social media zombies, and Uncle Tom Cobbly and Alls are all hit with this one — no one seems to be saying much about it except me.

Probably because there’s only one EBG, and when God made my brain He figured He’d reached the pinnacle of His success and anything else was a waste of time.

One does not try to improve on one’s Magnus Opus, does one?

“No, EBG, one does not”, is the only correct answer to that question.

Anyway… the Stupid.

It’s for these dunces falling for the old “can I just pick your brain?” trick.

Well, no. It’s not a trick.

It’s an honest request from wannabes who are either unwitting freeloaders or deliberate scumbags. 

Take your pick.

Because their motivations are irrelevant. What you need to worry about is this: they’re asking you to work for free (often in the implied hope of getting some paying work out of them or, “exposure”).

The answer?

I’ll come to my answer in a moment.

But the most common one seems to be this:

1. Let them pick your brain.
2. Wonder where they’ve disappeared to for a while.
3. Piss and moan about “bad clients” on LinkedIn (as if it wasn’t entirely your own fault for being a dick).

Sure, you MAY one day miss out on a great client. 

But so what?

Chances are you’ll have to suck a lot of slugs before you get the fruit bonbon, and, in any case, there are far easier and more surefire ways to get great clients at the drop of a hat.

And here’s one way to handle these scrotes:

1. Reply to the message or email or whatever with something like, “Sure… I’d be cool with that. Go here and book a consultation with me: www.yeahwhateverbro.com/call”.
2. When they’ve chosen a date, auto-forward them to a questionnaire where you ask them LOTS of questions about their business (or whatever) so you can get to grips with the challenges and help them better.
3. When they’ve filled in the questionnaire, auto-forward them to a payment page where you take payment of (say) £1,000 for an hour’s telephone consultation with them.

One of two things will happen.

1. You’ll make some easy money and be well on the way to getting a great client. You’ll also have created very strong positioning.
2. They’ll hate you. Like, really fucking hate you because you’ve wasted their time (and they’ll be too up themselves to see the irony). 

Of course, you haven’t wasted their time at all. They’ve wasted their OWN time in entitled pursuit of a freebie. 

This is a pretty much perfect solution to the problem, but maybe only 1 in 100 people will adopt it because they’re chickenshit scared of what people might think about them.

Feh.

Cowardice.

A rare tip from me, but one you’ll find could change your life and business immeasurably for the better (Positioning 101, Bubba).

If you want more?

Arrange a call with me.

Eh?

Whassat?

Nah. No tricks. This really IS free, so keep your card in your purse, pocket, or wallet when you book it (links below).

Witheringly,

P.S. Got to finish early today — fetching Mrs EBG from the train station in Cork after her tip to the eyeball doc in Dublin.

If all goes well she’ll be having the same op I had the Christmas before last to replace her eyeball-lenses.

I’m more excited about it than she is, because I have first-hand experience of how life-changing it can be (all the colours are bright and I now have better-than 20/20 vision near, and far in both eyes).

Can’t promise the same for her, of course, but all other things being equal, she’ll get a massive improvement in her eyesight.

My gift to her… and what a wonderful thing to be able to do for someone.

Anyway… I could probably do something similarly life-changing in YOUR life if you let me and Connor loose on your biz.

Can’t promise you exact numbers, but from the people I talk to, it ain’t gonna be hard because most people are doing diddly fucking squat when it comes to effective marketing.

Chances are, that includes you, Bubba.

And like the eyeballs… it won’t be cheap (but at least our work for you will pay for itself in terms of cold, hard cash; better eyesight is vastly more ephemeral).

Innerestid?

You know what to do (link below).