April 3


Sometimes I’m accused of being negative, cynical, and plain grumpy.

Well, that’s two out of three, for sure (I’ll cop to the last two, but if you think I’m negative, you don’t know me at all).

Thing is, even the most patient and saintliest of us would struggle when we’re faced with the kind of dipshittery below.

Background: self-proclaimed LinkedIN marketing “expert” posts a, um, post about the “LinkedIN algorithm”, and gives very specific numbers relating to scoring, distribution, and other metrics.

So I asked him how he knew this, and sent a connection request (the reason I asked is I was and still am eye-wateringly skeptical because reverse-engineering the specifics of an algorithm by looking at its output is no trivial task, and is in many cases computationally infeasible. So my reasoning was he either has insider knowledge or he’s just making the fucker up).

Anyway… it all went quiet and I forgot about it until yesterday he accepts my connection request and sends me a message.

He said (complete with grammatical errors and over-used exclamation marks!!!!)…

Delighted to be connected, Jon! How are you?

Im (sic) XX, an Instructor with XX.

We are running XX across the globe for professionals of LinkedIn! Intrigued?

And I replied:

Nope. Not even interested. If your idea of good marketing on LinkedIn is to send this kind of crap as your first message, I have to question your competence. 

Don’t message me ever again.

You’d think that’d be enough, right?

I mean, “Don’t message me ever again” is a short, unambiguous, and direct sentence in just four words and one contraction. 

You’d have to be a fucking retard to misconstrue or misunderstand it.

That didn’t stop LinkedIN Boy…

BAhhahahhahah! Jon, take it easy!

So I said:

What part of "Don’t message me ever again." did you not understand?

Stop messaging me.

You may think I was a bit rude to the guy. You’re entitled to your opinion (but please don’t share it with me because it’s none of my business what you think).

Look, I’m all for persistence and tenacity, but when a girl says “no”, you fucking STOP, right? Maybe it’s the Aspie in me but “No” always means “NO”.

Fucking cockwomble.

Alas, most people he sucks into his programme will have no idea about any of this marketing lark and, assuming he preaches what he practices, they’ll be following this kind of inane and foolish strategy and wondering why everyone fucking hates them.

The moral of the story?

Be very careful whom you listen to.

Just because someone calls him or herself an “expert” or tacitly positions themselves as such means nothing.

And rather than listen to what they say, watch what they do. When they do dumb shit like this, run away quickly.

This applies to me, too, of course.

Don’t believe me. Don’t take my word at face value. Listen and watch. Ask me questions. Dig deep. Challenge me.

And then, when, and only when you’re satisfied I’m right, should you take action.

First step?

Join us for Ground Zero where you’ll have every chance to see what I’m made of.

See, I know I can take pretty much any local business with a viable business model and turn it around in a comparative eyeblink. 

The reason bricks ’n’ mortar businesses struggle — and especially the traditional trades like electricians, plumbers, decorators, bathrooms, kitchens, and bedrooms, and those of a similar ilk — has nothing to do with the economy, low-priced competitors, Brexit, or penny-pinching customers.


It’s almost always down to the way they present themselves.

Join us for Ground Zero and Connor and I will show you how to do it right.

Click here for Ground Zero details.


P.S. If you were one of the many people who contacted me yesterday after my Autism Awareness Day message…

… thank you.

I don’t have the wherewithal to reply to everyone personally right away, but I promise I’ll reply in time.

I also posted the same message as a video on LinkedIN and Facebook. Unless you know me well you probably won’t be able to tell how fucking hard recording it was.

But it was worth it (it’s here if you want to watch it... and when you have, feel free to send a friend-request if you want to).

And as I said: my Specialness is entirely to our mutual benefit, cuz no one is gonna look at your business in quite the same way I do.

Click here for Ground Zero details


You may also like

How businesses kill themselves

How businesses kill themselves
{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}